The Divorce

LOVE: LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!

2012-01-30T17:22:00.001-08:00

Love is either true love or not. True love is love at first sight that is so strong that it is UNCONDITIONAL. Unconditional love is giving ur soul and spirit to each other with ur sole and only intent to help ur partner grow so that their soul and spirit r fully nurished and satisfied so they develop into their greatest and happiest potential. U can find true love. It does exist and it will find u when the energy of the universe deems it is so. It cannot find u if u r floundering in ur marriage or u r in a bad marriage. But it is a personal choice and only ur choice to make whether to dissolve ur floundering or bad marriage. U may actually have other interest and desires other than true love and therefore ur universal energy is elsewhere and ur destiny is a floundering or bad marriage. But if u have a desire or passion to live and love and ur marriage is floundering or bad and counseling will not remedy ur relationship to true love, then divorce their ass with dignity and honor and let the Universe find true love with and for u. LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!!!!!!

Passport

2011-12-30T21:53:00.000-08:00

If you need a Passport for your child and your former spouse is an asshole, then please give your divorce attorney a six (6) month notice to accomplish this task for you! Courts are very congested these days due to the judiciary financial crisis.

THE VANITY PLATE WINS POINT ONE!

2011-12-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

I have represented a Husband for several years and through his multiple trials and appeals I have come to know him and his new Wife. Both are great people and I do really like their courage, humor and just overall nature. But in his divorce (and remember over the last 23 years I have been involved in over a 1000 divorce matters) he did the best move I have ever seen a Husband do with his the girlfriend (current wife and yes they do have "true love"). During the divorce he bought his girlfriend a Mercedes (believe me she deserved a Bentley for all the work she did on his case) and it came with a vanity license plate that said "Bobby's Girl". To this day his former Wife blows a fuse everytime that Mercedes is mentioned! Can we not have any humor left in life? Does every damn thing have to be poitically correct? I say Fuck no! I assure you there are many ways for his former Wife to create her on vanity plate moment, but damn that was and is funny! You go L!

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (always remember your daily chant too!)

COZI.COM

2011-10-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Cozi.com is a free online calendar that is an easy way to manage your timesharing schedule, appointmemts and general tasks. It has appointment reminders and agenda email. It is set up with a password so it is private to you, your former spouse and child(ren). Whether you have the capacity to get along with your Former Spouse or your Former Spouse is just a toxic butthead who wants to control and contaminate your essence, an interactive internet calendar is a good solution. You, your Former Spouse and child(ren) can manage timesharing, appointments and tasks in a way that will be more available and definative. Check it out.

Wake Up your Husband is a Scumbag

2011-10-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

If your Husband was a Scumbag before your marriage (you know the truth; please do not assume to be so lonely that you ignore the truth), he will be a Scumbag during your marriage and you can watch it multiply during your divorce. No he (the pre-husband Scumbag) does not love you. He wants sex or money. Look deep into his vacant, souless eyes and you will see. Odds are he has been married before you came along, he had a nasty divorce which he blames on his former Wife, and Yes, you married the same Scumbag. His true colors will show soon enough.

Ask your prospective attorney: "Do you know how to effectively deal with a male Scumbag?" If your prospective attorney laughs or changes the subject, then they are denying what is real for you. You can save yourself some pain and heartache at this point if you deny this prospective attorney the opportunity of representing you. Guess what—that attorney just wants your money too! - Holy Shit- You have managed to have contact with your second certifiable Scumbag. Find somebody that understands you and will fight for you as you know you what's right if yours is the side with principle. Personally, I become energized by people with principles. Lets go kick some butt and accomplish your reasonable goals!

Oh and for you non-Scumbag men, we will chat soon about the scumbag Wife!

ASK ME

2011-07-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

Your Divorce will involve me having to know everything about you—for better or worse, the good, the bad, the ugly.

We are all human. You know not one perfect person. Everyone in this Courtroom is flawed—the Judge, the Bailiff, the Attorneys. But you are the one sitting in the hot seat and it's your life that is being scrutinized and put under a microscope. I believe that it is only fair and right that if I am privileged to know everything about you, then you are entitled to know something or everything about me. That is, of course, if you care to know about me. I understand if you do not want to know me as well as I will come to know you. I invite you to ASK ME any personal question about me (as I did of you) and I will answer it. Yes, I may blush too, but I think equal footing is fair, under the circumstances. I literally "hate," (yes, "hate"—a strong and powerful and ugly choice of words) the person who thinks that they are better than anyone or someone else. Or worse, someone who acts like life is not difficult and they would have you believe that their own life is perfect. Let us be honest as humans and recognize that we are all doing the best we can, we all have problems, we all need help from someone else.

If you hired an attorney who thinks they are too perfect to share the personal details of their life with you (as you have just spilled your most personal details to them), then FIRE THEM immediately. It really should be that simple. After all, it's simply life here we are all struggling with. We are here to simply enjoy it and pass on to our next adventure. This behooves the question: "Why do we take ourselves so seriously?"

I currently represent an incredible Wife and Mother of four Children and her Husband "Bob" takes himself so seriously he has no idea the average person looks at him and thinks "What an IDIOT," as he is married to his money—not his beautiful and smart Wife and precious Children—but his money. Bob: Everybody is laughing at you so please seek help to save your marriage as your Wife and Children need you. Accept counseling with open arms and admit to your shortcomings as YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE GETTING BAD ADVICE from a lot of people. Oops! You might drop a nickle and not pick it up! If you are always looking down for money Bob, you will never ever raise your eyes to see your beautiful Family. Bob, you don't realize how so very lucky you are to have Lesa as your wife. You are just too much of a money grubbing, total Idiot to see the absolute beauty of your Wife and your Children. I pray this money obsession of yours is brief. Namasté.

Again, you can ask me anything, but beware as you might just be on the receiving end of some story of crazy wisdom or reflection of mind. Keep in mind you do pay me hourly.

(All names are intentionally fictitious).

Namasté.

Your Child Thinks You Are An Idiot if....

2011-07-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

If you and your former spouse despise each other so much that you have two (2) separate bat mitzvahs, I assure you she thinks you both are complete idiots, which I must concur with her that YOU BOTH ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS (to put it mildly)!

SUPERIOR MAN

2011-05-30T06:48:00.001-07:00

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is a book that will either save your marriage or make you realize that it is 100% over. Black and white—absolutely no grey area. Read it if you want to discover the truth about your marriage.

If you are the man, read the book to fully understand how male energy interacts with female energy, and whether the female you are with is the right person for your energy. If you are a female and your marriage sucks, then ask your husband to read this book with you. If he says "no," or "yes," but then does not read it, your marriage is likely over. Done deal. Run away as fast as you can no matter what the consequences! The faster you leave, the sooner you'll find the right person to grow old with.

If he reads this amazing book, you both will see your energy and passion begin to merge. Consequently, he will become aware of whether the two of you should be sharing your energy. If he understands this book, and it is deemed that your energies should be merging, you will have the partner that your spirit craves and needs. He will give you his spirit without conditions.

Hence, a real union of two spirits translates into happiness for you and your family. It's time to start living. You owe it to the energy trapped in your body to find it's counterpartner. Your Life is there for your use, for you if you let it come to you. If you accept your energy and you are aware of it, your energy will simply and forcefully attract what you want, relationship and otherwise.

I assure you that you are a beautiful person who deserves an unlimited supply of energy for living and partnering, no matter how much your so-called soulmate has tried to take it from you. Get on with it! Either demand and receive one hundred percent of what you deserve from your spouse, your partner of Life, (mental, spiritual, moral, physical) or choose divorce. There will be no grey. It is truly "black" or "white", "night" or "day." And it is up to you. Yes, it will be difficult and painful. But you will soon conclude ... "so what!" because you are about to discover that this book holds the answers that so many of us seek.

Tiger, Shark or Compassion

2011-04-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am often asked by a potential client whether I am a Shark or Tiger, or that they heard I am a Shark and Tiger and that is why they want to hire me. I immediately respond that I am neither, as Compassion is your best way to accomplish your goals in your case not by being an Shark/Tiger aka Asshole. He who angers you will control you, and hence your married and not really getting an emotional divorce. Compassion is simply a rational and wise and thoughtful manner of identifying your goals and taking the time to develop a strategy to accomplish your goals, and then working as diligently as necessary to obtain your goals. A Tiger or Shark is a symbol of an anger animal misplacing its energy at whatever it smells. Gee, that is a stupid way to accomplish your goals and your attorney looks like an inexperienced idiot doing it that way, you could say the difference between Hulk Hogan representing you and James Bond. I prefer Bond. Find the Compassionate attorney that is glad to argue you case at trial to accomplish your goals as most bullies (The Hulk Hogans) are too afraid or lazy to do so and their Shark/Tiger mentally is fake, made of fear, and fall down the minute somebody stands up to them. Think about it. Covert operation or Overt operation. I vote for the Covert operation any day of the week! Your goal is to accomplish your concerns, not to look like an asshole, as that is your spouse and why you are divorcing him/her.

Collaborative Divorce

2011-01-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

A collaborative divorce is a divorce where you and your spouse hire your attorneys to settle your case prior to suing each other for a divorce. If you attorneys do not settle your case, we cannot represent you in your divorce. The intent is for the attorneys to work together, not against each other. This process also involves a mental health and financial neutral, who work with you and your spouse. The mental health professional is to help with communication and maintaining respect (and help your discussions regarding the best interest of your child) and the financial expert works to identify and value assets and debts, and determine actual income. If the process works, you have maintained respect for each other as the process is to emphasis a fair resolution as determined by you and your spouse, not a resolution as mandated by the Judge or laws passed by the legislature. If the process does not work, you have spent a lot of money, and you basically start over. Respect and your resolution is the goal and that is the best possible goal in any dissolution of a marital relationship. Why intentionally fight and have a stranger (the Judge) determine your outcome. You must be mature, intelligent and capable of listening and respect to participate in a collaborative divorce, and you must find two (2) attorneys you know what they are doing and who know their role in a collaborative process. Many attorneys do not understand this type of divorce process and I have noticed they are afraid to try it, afraid to give up the control, afraid to get along versus engaging in a "fight." Ask your attorney about this process and if they are unable to answer your questions, you may not have the right attorney.

A Dollar and Principle

2011-01-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

At what cost should you resolve your case? When does the dollar amount conflict with your principles and emotional toll? It is a very difficult decision on whether or not to litigate your case or accept an offer that from your perspective is too low (however it is probably not low from the perspective of your spouse). Is an additional $100,000.00 over a projected 15 year span worth the emotional strain and time it takes to litigate your case, and the additional time if appeal, considering that all Judges are human and they make mistakes. That means even if everything you present at your trial goes just how you and your attorney planned, you may not get the result you want (or you may get a great result). The question you must be prepared to answer is when your case is not resolved because of disagreement of the amount of money, what is the Dollar amount that it becomes worth it to litigate. To answer that question, you must add in your life principles and the cost of the emotional toll of litigation, as there is nothing fun or entertaining when it comes to being in a courtroom where your life and marriage is put under a microscope, as I can assure you there is no perfect person and unfortunately a lot of divorce issues focus on the negative aspects of you, not the positive. Now, this decision is easy if the issue is one involving your child, as your gut will always answer that question for you and you do know at all times what is in the best interest of your child. Life is short and long at the same time, so do not be afraid to trade a dollar or two for your emotional well being and overall life principles.

Chanting

2010-11-13T08:46:00.001-08:00

The power of chanting is .....

I want you to finish this sentence after four weeks of chanting (out loud) the following ten times when you wake up in the morning and ten times before you rest at night:

NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO

Buddhism, contrary to popular belief is "win or lose" That is it- you either "win or lose" with your life. Yet, as prior blogs have discussed nobody wins in a divorce, there are only two or more losers (taking into consideration your children and extended family). So, the real issue is simply just because there is not a so called "winner" in my divorce, CAN I BE A WINNER IN LIFE? The answer is YES as your divorce is probably your first step to changing what energy is out of balance in your life!!!

To win in your life, start chanting (immediately). And, if you actually do your chanting as stated above, please post your response to this entry and finish the sentence "The power of chanting is ...."

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

2010-10-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

It is always important to remember to "chant" throughout the day "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" as this is the mystic law which is much greater than your divorce law.

You Really Do Not Know

2010-10-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

Your attorney will present your case to a Judge (trial) if it does not settle. During the presentation, only the Judge and other attorney can really tell how much preparation your attorney has put into your case and whether he or she is doing a good job as the attorneys and judges know what to look for, but you do not know what to look for to determine if you attorney is presenting a good trial for you. You may want to hear certain questions asked or voices raised, but that does not mean your attorney has necessarily prepared for your case or is doing a good job. Try to remove yourself from the courtroom (in your mind) and look in from a corner and just observe. You may develop a different prespective at that time. I have actually represented attorneys during their trials. This is difficult as my clients as practicing attorneys definitely know what type of job I am doing or not doing. If your case is actually going to a trial, go watch some other trials so you will be able to compare and contrast the work of your attorney, so at least you are aware and not some "deer in the headlights." As a caveat, attorneys make very bad clients due to their usual general psychological makeup (rules apply to other people but not me).

New Child Support law

2010-09-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

As of 10/1/10, the child support law is changing. It is changing by how the amount of child support you pay or receive is calculated. If you have your child twenty (20) percent to forty (40) percent of the overnights per year, you will pay less child support, and on the other side of the coin, if your child spends twenty (20) to forty (40) percent of overnights with your former spouse, you will receive less child support (than compared to the law prior to 10/1/10). Your child support does not automatically change if previously ordered prior to 10/1/10, but rather this is the result of cases after 10/1/10. I have noticed in my calculations that the average amount of child support you will receive (if your child is with you the majority of the time) is much LESS. So, it is very important to concentrate on the alimony and asset distribution portion of your case for your financial security. There is also a new type of alimony as of 7/1/10, called "durational" alimony, which we will discuss in the future.

Do Not Act Surprised!

2010-08-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Often during a divorce, especially a divorce involving children, a spouse acts "surprised" (notice the choice of word "acts") when their soon to be ex spouse refuses to be reasonable, or reacts on an immature level, or just does stupid and juvenile things. Why in the world would you be surprised? If your soon to be ex spouse was a reasonable, mature and responsible person, you would not be divorcing them! So, if you have a dysfunctional marriage, do not expect anything else other then a dysfunctional divorce, and a future dysfunctional relationship as former husband and former wife. The reason you are divorcing your spouse is because they are unreasonable, or it is because they are immature, or it is because they are irresponsible, and therefore, how can you possibly be "surprised" when they act the same way during your divorce and after your divorce.

Loving your children and dating your attorney

2010-06-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

I am involved in a case where the former wife is dating her attorney. I represent the former husband. She has two (2) children. She acts like she is concerned about the welfare of her children and she acts like she is concerned about how the children get along with her former husband, their father. She is a fraud and a fake, as if she actually considered how the children felt about her boyfriend being in a legally adverse relationship with her former husband/father, she would conclude that just the perception to the children will emotionally harm them for the rest of thier lives. Unfortunately, she is so concerned about her alimony check and she is so lazy she will do anything to avoid working, even forever damaging her children by dating her attorney. I wonder how she avoids actually considering the harm of her actions. She does not realize it, but it is affecting her physically, as everytime I see her at a court hearing or deposition or mediation or otherwise, her physical body is deteroriating from her life condition of being lazy and avoidance. It is ok to get a job if it will avoid a toll on your children, and therefore be able to hire and pay an attorney to represent you other than having to date one.

Change

2010-05-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

During your divorce case, there will be many changes. Some of your goals and intentions in the beginning of your case may not be the same in the middle or end of your case. Change is a constant. It's okay to change your mind and your desires. Sometimes you will feel secure in the process of your case and sometimes you will feel unsecure in the process of your case. Remember you are working towards an end result, and facts in your life, your spouse's life and your children's lives can change weekly and monthly. If you understand and expect change during your case, it will be much less traumatic for you. Change can be a different or even a good thing to look forward to, as stagnation is rot, and nobody or nothing can grow with or from rot.

When to Shut up

2010-05-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

Often during a client consultation or conference, I am aware that my client is under so much stress and in so much pain that, although my mouth is moving and my words are emitting forth, my client is not hearing a word I am saying. This is a good time for me to remember to stop talking and start listening. (This is also a good time for a client to have confidence in their attorney's ability to do what is right and fair in the long term.) But once I realize it's time to stop talking and start listening, I have been amazed how clients often have the best ideas on how to proceed in their case or how to settle certain matters. I have seen it before, how interesting facts or ideas can suddenly emerge from the client in ways that were not asked or intended. Solutions are tricky and elusive and can occur when you become more aware of listening instead of talking. So, if you don't have any idea what's going on, and why, consider turning your seemingly irrelevant thoughts into specific questions. I do think it's o.k. to ask your attorney to shut up occassionally and just listen. You do have the best ideas.

Bad economy Good

2010-04-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

In my 48 years of recent existence, I have noticed that people who are broke tend to be nicer and less stuck up. I think a person has time for human interaction and appreciation once they are rid of thier material possessions as those excess material possessions will own the person who possesses, versus what one may percieve as owning their material possessions. I have witnessed friends, clients, colleagues and acquaintances go from what they perceived as being rich to being broke, and you know what, they tend to be nicer and less stuck up once they are broke. So, maybe a bad economy is actually good, to some extent.

Divorcing a narcissist

2010-03-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

If your spouse is a Narcissist, your divorce and beyond will be difficult. If you understand how and why your narcissist spouse is acting towards you, the pain will be a bit less, but have no misunderstanding that if you have a child together, it is basically a life of turmoil. Be glad you escaped when you did, as your healing can start. A good book for your understanding and healing is "Surviving the Storm: Strategies and Realities when Divorcing a Narcissist" by Richard Skerritt.

25 Years

2010-03-10T17:31:00.000-08:00

If you have been married 25 years or longer, you should not expect to make a decision to divorce your spouse and that your emotional pain will just cease. Your decision, once you finally make it, will feel like your decades of problems have been lifted off of your shoulders, but please expect to have proper sadness and grieving in the months to come. If you understand that it is an emotionally painfull process, a sad process that one should grieve, then when you have these feelings they will not be debilitating to your day to day life, and finally a smile will emerge. So, it is ok to cry and then it is ok to smile.

A Piece of Paper

2010-02-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

Your Divorce will end up on a piece of paper, either a Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage being an judgment written by a Judge after a trial or a Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage incorporating a Marital Settlement Agreement being an agreement agreed to and sign by you and your spouse. The point is you need to be very aware of whether or not you can actually enforce what is written on that piece of paper. For example, if your spouse agrees to pay a credit card debt in your name only and he or she does not pay it, can the Judge do anything to your spouse to make them actually pay it? If it is alimony or child support they were suppose to pay and did not, the Judge can incarcerate (put in jail) you spouse. That is enforcement. But with regard to credit card debt, the Judge is basically powerless to enforce payment of it, and the Judge's options are limited. So, if you agreed to lower or no alimony in exchange for your spouse to pay your credit card debt, you are only receiving a piece of paper with ink on it, which is useless, if your spouse is not honorable and does not pay that credit card debt. Be careful. It is the job of your attorney to advise you whether what you are agreeing to or seeking from the Judge will actually be enforceable after it is ordered. A piece of paper that is not enforceable is a waste of time and money. Do not fall into that trap as I have many consultations with former spouses where the damage is done because their Final Judgment, by not having adequate remedies when their spouse ignores it, is just a worthless piece of paper.

The Number 500

2010-02-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

The Number 500 is the average amount of divorce and relationship cases your divorce Judge is handling at one time. That is a lot! So, is it really a realisitic expectation that when the Judge is hearing your case that he or she is mentally and physically able to concentrate and pay attention to all the testimony and evidence? I do not think so. Therefore, focus on the main issues, the important issues. Do you really think anybody is going to listen to your irrelevant nothings or babbles detailing every failing of your spouse? The Judge does not care who was bad. This is not a 3rd grade sandbox. The Judge cares about the important facts of your marriage and case, so stay focused (which your attorney damn well better help you do) on those facts.

Do They Really Care

2010-01-30T16:20:00.000-08:00

A lot of people (attorneys, mental health counselors, expert witnesses) will act like they care about your case. Unfortunately, during my cynical days, I question whether everybody actually cares as much as they act. Go with your gut instinct and if you do not think anybody you are paying to help you with your divorce or other marital related issue actually truly cares about you, FIRE them immediately as your gut instinct is alway right. Remember, your attorney and any expert you hired works for you and you can fire them anytime you want too! Namaste.

Watch your Judge

2010-01-17T11:46:00.001-08:00

Your divorce is a bench trial, which means a Judge decides your case not a jury. You can go sit in the Courtroom of your assigned Judge at most anytime they have hearings or trials. By watching your Judge on somebody else's case, you may understand how that particular Judge runs their Courtroom, and you may be a bit less nervous during any of your hearings or trial, and you may understand the process a bit more. It is also a good way to watch attorneys and other Husbands/Wives, and what tends to work in a case presentation and what tends not to work in a case presentation. If you are experienced at watching attorneys and Judges, you may develope an "eye" for the lazy versus not lazy ones. This could help you in your selection of an attorney and your case, as your case will change your life forever, hopefully for the betterment of yourself and your children (and even your former spouse as the only resolution is a fair win/win resolution for everybody).

Problems

2009-12-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

A Divorce attorney (and Judge) can only resolve your legal issues. It is up to you to solve your problems. A Divorce attorney can make suggestions to you based on the facts and law of your case, but noboday can grow money on a tree for you. You must understand that after a divorce you will have more expenditures (two houses, etc.) and probably less income as time requirements from being apart will not allow either your (or your spouse's) career to be as effective in producing income versus when the two of you were together as a team. Money by no means is happiness and usually possessions and greed are the root of your problems, but notwithstanding that, it is always financially difficult after your divorce. If you understand this, it will be less of a shock to you and much easier to handle when it occurs, but then again, nobody knows what the future will hold for anybody. Life is an adventure so enjoy it, good and bad, bad and good. It is solely your choice.

Your Business

2009-11-07T07:31:00.001-08:00

If you own a business that was started or acquired during your marriage, it is an asset to be divided between you and your spouse. There are many different ways to determine a value for your business. The part of your business that is related to your "personal" good will, that is you, is a non marital asset that solely belongs to you. However, the hard assets and the "enterprise" good will, are assets to be valued and distributed accordingly.

Marriage

2009-10-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man (Joubert) and choose in marriage only a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman (Kneller)!

Family and Friends

2009-10-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

Every divorce is different. Your family and friends will tell you the outcome of thier divorce and that yours should have the same or similar result. Remember that every divorce is different and for many reasons, your divorce may have a completely different outcome. Because your family and friends do not know every fact of your marriage and they do not know the current state of divorce law, your divorce may have a different outcome than your family and friends' divorce. Family and friends are great for emotional, spiritual, moral and financial support, but they may not be the best source of legal advice. You do not need to justify anything you do in life to your family and friends, as you only need to justify your life decisions and actions to yourself. You are paying your divorce attorney a lot of money for his or her advice, so listen! Your attorney is trying to help you even though you may not want to here what they are telling you. A divorce will not fix the majority of your problems, it will only define your and your former spouse's legal obligations to each other and your children.

Divorce Attorneys

2009-09-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

During my 21 years of being a divorce attorney, i have noticed three types of divorce attorneys. There is only one type that is good for you and your family. The first one would be somebody who is lazy and just not a good attorney. This type of attorney will harm you by not protecting your rights or failing to obtain a result via agreement or trial that will benefit you. The second is a smart attorney, but this type is just interested in proving to you that he or she can "win" no matter the financial or emotional devastation to you or your family. This type of attorney thinks they are "winning" something by getting something your spouse wanted in written form (agreement or court order) although nobody won anything due to the emotional and financial devastation to your family. There are no "winners" in a divorce. You need to avoid the first two types of attorneys at all costs. Talk to your friends and family with thier experiences with divorce attorneys. The third type of attorney is smart, competent, enjoys his or her job, and understands there are no "winners" in a divorce, and if two spouses are halfway reasonable, your case should be settled, and a trial should be a definite option to obtain your reasonable goals, but only an option of last resort. Be Careful, as you only have one chance to do your divorce right. Doing it wrong will affect you for a lifetime, and possibly your children.

"Fall Back" Bank Account

2009-09-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

You must have a "fall back" bank account if you recieve child support and alimony as there is no guarantee that you will receive your support every week or month on a timely and full basis. Even with an income deduction order, your former spouse can quit their job or if they pay you without an income deduction order, they can stop paying you at anytime (even though your court order states otherwise). Once your former spouse stops paying you, you will have to pay an attorney (or seek the help of the Department of Revenue) to pursue contempt remedies (jail) against your former spouse. Due to the financial shortfall of funds for Judges, it can take several months to process your contempt claim and if your former spouse does not have any assets, the Judge cannot throw the him or her it jail. If no jail, there is not any incentive for your former spouse to pay you. If you former spouse has assets though, the Judge should send him or her to jail, order immediate payment of all past due support, and order reimbursement of your attorney fees and costs. Your former spouse can get out of jail by paying what Judge ordered him or her to do. You must have money set aside to support yourself and family. So, set aside a "Fall Back" bank account and hope you never have to access it. A skilled attorney can present valid reasons to a Judge to not jail your former spouse. If you former spouse is not thrown in jail, it may empower him or her to not pay you in the future. Be safe rather than sorry.

Alimony and Tax

2009-08-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

If you receive a monthly alimony payment, you are obligated to pay federal income tax on the alimony you receive (unless you obtain a private ordering which is very rare). Therefore, it is wise to calculate the estimated taxes you will be obligated to pay, and because you declare your alimony as income, your former spouse is allowed to deduct it on their tax returns (thus decreasing the amount of tax they will pay). So, it is wise to calculate the tax savings to your soon to be ex-spouse when negotiating how much alimony you are to receive. Money paid to you during your divorce case (temporary alimony) is not taxable as income to you unless it is in a Temporary Order entered by the Court. There are other rules that apply to determine the taxable effect of your alimony, and you should work closely with your attorney and accountant to determine the net amount of your alimony, versus the gross amount. Please be Careful!

Tell the Truth

2009-08-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

It is important to tell the truth when testifying in Court. You will always get more of what you want with the truth even if it is not pleasant. Divorce trials are bench trials, not jury trials. Judges hear testimony all day long, year after year. Although you may think you are pretty slick, for attorneys and Judges, it if fairly easy to tell when somebody is lying. Judges are human just as everyone else, so it is a natural tendency to punish or rule more severely against your position if you are lying. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody in the Courtroom, whether it is you, the Judge, the deputy, the attorneys, the court clerk or court reporter, has made mistakes and done stupid things. We know you are not perfect as nobody else is, so tell the truth and you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome of your matter.

Pre Nups Beware!

2009-08-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

There is always, and I repeat always, one (1) very upset spouse at divorce time when a Pre Nup is signed. No matter what is told to you, the reason your spouse is asking you to sign a Pre Nup is because they want to give you less then you are legally entitled to when it is time for your divorce. Ever Pre Nup should have a "sunset" clause, when once you are married "x" number of years, it becomes null and void. That is the only way to equalize what you are waiving (which is usually alimony and money for your attorney to represent you in your divorce) if you are sign one because you are an emotional hostage at your wedding time. Do not sign a Pre Nup unless you have an experienced attorney negotiate a very fair one for you!

RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG

2009-08-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

Often during the process of your divorce, you will feel sad, confused and lost. Embrace that feeling as it is a Great Opportunity for your Healing. Chant the Mantra "Ra Ma Da Sa, Sa Say So Hung" often and your healing shall begin. It is the Siri Gaitri Mantra and it is chanted for healing. Ra is the sun, Ma is the moon, Da is the earth, and Sa is Infinity. Say is the totality of Infinity and So Hung is "I am Thou". Ra Ma Da Sa is the Earth Mantra and Sa Say So Hung is the Ether Mantra. Your soul is in your body because that is where you decided to experience life at this time, so Be. You are suppose to be where you are right now. Do not be afraid. Tomorrow will come. It always does. What do you think about what you were doing ten (10) years ago. Do you have the same intense feeling about whatever you were concerned about ten (10) years ago, whether it was job, school, kids, family or spouse. No, why, because it has past. It is in the past. You survived. You will survive again. Ten (10) years from now, you shall remember, if you choose, that it really did not matter as much as you thought it did. SO STOP IT RIGHT NOW! That is because you cannot, nor do you want to, predict your future. So stop trying now! If you knew your future, life would be BORING. Boring is death. Your soul will depart your physical body when it is ready. RA MA DA SA, SA SAY SO HUNG.

Greed

2009-07-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

I observe greedy people on an almost daily basis. Greed can be as simple as taking something small without considering that somebody else may want to share in it; it can be an assumption of entitlement to something small or large, or it can be a blatant taking of something large. When i see greed i always stop and observe the person in their act of greed. They become consumed by the material item they must possess, whether it be money, a sports car or even a box of cookies. Thier facial expression change during the act of greed as if some foreign energy has consumed them. When i feel their energy of greed, it is a very negative energy that physically exhausts the person. Greed is an energy so negative it can consume a person. So if you are a greedy person, stop. By giving off the negative energy of greed, you can only attract negative energy into your body and spirit. Become a giving person and enjoy the bliss of positive energy.

Standard of Living

2009-06-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

I ponder why a Husband and Wife often refuse to lower their standard of living during or after they are divorced. Do you really think it is possible to have the same standard of living with greater expenses and less income? Look at your material possessions in your life, are those possessions really creating happiness and satisfaction for you or are your material possessions a good portion of the cause of your anguish? Do you really think humans will not "like" you if you do not have a lot of material possessions? I dare you to try life with fewer material possessions. Who knows, you may have less stress and be happier. If not, you can always buy more.

Love to Hate

2009-06-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

Often, when in a consulation with a potential client seeking education about a divorce, i will look at them and try to imagine thier wedding, the rehersal dinner, etc. I never ask about it (well maybe sometimes when i draw a complete blank but not that often) as i wonder how two (2) humans can go from a state of Love to Hate. I can answer the question. It is because one of the spouses love was self love versus unconditional love, and anything solely about the self is a cancer, waiting to ravish its host body.

........"oh your spouse did that".......